Fantasy Football: Turkey Day Awards 2018
This has become an annual tradition around FootClan Headquarters as we discuss a number of Thanksgiving dishes and relate them to your fantasy football rosters. For a 4-round Thanksgiving side dish draft, check out the Spitballers podcast and vote on Twitter for Andy, Mike, or Jason’s elite teams.
Magical Spit and Getting Away With Murder – Comedy Podcast https://t.co/aNC42pAs4C
— Spitballers Podcast (@SpitballersPod) November 19, 2018
If you’re feeling a bit nostalgic, check out the 2016 and 2017 editions of the Turkey Day Awards. A special note to all Thanksgiving participants: I realize these awards have a bit of a Southern flair as I reside near Atlanta, Georgia, but nevertheless, they showcase the sweet and savory nature of a classic Thanksgiving feast.
Classic Turkey w/ Gravy
The show stopper and MVP of Thanksgiving day.
A rival to the classic turkey. Ham is an alternative for those who want to go rogue and be different.
An Overdone Turducken
A fat, overdone duck cooked in a chicken stuffed in a turkey. You paid a ton of money for this fat blend of bird, but you just can’t eat it. Instead, you just have to look at it and wonder what could have been.
The Mike Wright Special: Jack in the Box
That random dish somebody brought because… well … they’re convinced Thanksgiving food is trash and outdated. Time to stop with the old way of thinking. Open up your eyes and realize this could be the best thing ever.
My Aunt’s Dressing/Stuffing
Classic. Dependable and gets the job done every time.
The Other Aunt’s Dressing/Stuffing
You never really know what it’s going to be like. It could blow your socks off and have everyone at the table ranting and raving. Or it could make your stomach so upset you will feel the effects for days.
The Burned Dinner Rolls
Gosh, man you put in so much time and effort in preparing the meal but unexpectedly the rolls were burned. Disappointment and sometimes you just have to scrape the carbon shavings off and eat it in sadness.
This is by far the sexiest of Turkey Day dishes. When you get it just right, it makes everything about Thanksgiving feel right considering how cheap and simple it is.
Buttery Mashed Potatoes
A lumpy, buttery glob of mashed potatoes is what everyone needs to add body to their plate. It’s as dependable as they get and we all know butter makes everything better.
[Insert Whatever Keto Food You Want]
Listen, last year you thought this was complete trash. You laughed and besmirched the people for their apparent fads. But after spending your time on your keto diet, you realize this is the new hotness. Who cares if it’s not Thanksgiving day food? You’re completely shredded now with the abs to prove it.
- Winner: Mitchell Trubisky
- Honorable Mentions: Jared GARF, Juju Smith-Schuster
Sweet Potato Casserole
Heavy, hearty, and delicious for those first few bites. But you can only have so much before it makes you vomit all over the floor and thus completely ruin Thanksgiving and your family calls you a “has-been”.
Grandma’s Sweet Tea
Always consistent, but never to be underestimated or tinkered with. A must-have for the meal of the year.
For some reason, my father-in-law adores this pie when most of us aren’t quite sure what’s in it. It’s mysterious, tantalizing and yet, it’s the kind of thing you’d find in a retirement home. Don’t touch it.