Fantasy Football: The 2017 Christmas Day Awards
Just as we did for Turkey Day Awards in November, here’s a Christmas Day edition of some of our favorite fantasy football players and how they fit under your tree or in your stocking, and if they made the naughty/nice list in time for the championship game.
Feel free to comment, share on Twitter and stir up the holiday banter.
The Lump of Coal
That dirty mass of darkness that makes this year forgettable for us on the naughty list. Your hopes were for gold and instead… death.
Winner: Terrelle Pryor
Honorable Mentions: Terrelle Pryor, Terrelle Pryor, and Terrelle Pryor
The Tiny Tim Award
That sweet, sweet soul whose crippling injury just makes you cry inside.
Winner: Carson Wentz
Honorable Mentions: Deshaun Watson, David Johnson
Grandma’s Knitted Sweater Award
You kinda have to just smile and hold on to it but try not to use it. Love you Grandma, but this isn’t going to help me get a date to the dance.
Winner: Amari Cooper
Honorable Mentions: Mike Evans, Demaryius Thomas
Sour Eggnog Award
Started off as a great idea at the beginning of the Christmas but honestly tastes like foot after sitting at the back of the fridge unused as it curdles into milky vomit.
Winner: Paul Perkins
Honorable Mentions: Jay Ajayi, Derek Carr
Clutch Stocking Stuffer Award
Not the top dollar stuff, but gifts that are dependable and useful especially if they are gift cards. A bit underrated if you ask me.
Winner: Adam Thielen
Honorable Mentions: Jarvis Landry, Larry Fitzgerald
Christmas Miracle/Best Present Ever
The one you asked for, hoped for, and basically begged for… and it happened! NINTENDO 64!!!!!!
Winner: Todd Gurley
Honorable Mention: Kareem Hunt
The Grinch “Coaches Choice” Award
The arch enemy of Christmas, the fun sucker of them all, and the one with a heart two sizes too small.
Winner: John Fox because choosing to punt EVERY TIME kills Christmas spirit and JayGriz’s soul.
Honorable Mentions: Andy Reid… but only when he refuses to feed Kareem. And Jeff Fisher, just because.
Red Ryder BB Gun Award
That classic childhood gift from that classic movie but also kinda useless at this point when you could just buy a real gun.
Winner: Andy Dalton obviously
You could kiss this special someone they’re so dang awesome.
Winner: DeAndre Hopkins
Honorable Mentions: Travis Kelce, JIMMY G!
Department Store Fake Santa
The guy smells just like beef and cheese. As a kid you thought he was the real deal, turned out to be a sad sack with no real pull in getting gifts.
Winner: Doug Martin
Honorable Mentions: Isaiah Crowell, Ameer Abdullah
Elf on the Shelf
Mischievous little guy that unleashes the fun by simply moving from place to place.
Winner: Christian McCaffrey
Honorable Mentions: Danny Woodhead, Chris Thompson
The “Joseph and Mary” Memorial Award
Finding a bundle of riches and gold in the midst of a stinky, crowded manger
Winner: Alvin Kamara
Honorable Mentions: Case Keenum, Robby Anderson
Star on Top of the Christmas Tree
The crowning achievement of your Christmas tree and what people look at when they come into your home.
Winner: Le’Veon Bell
Honorable Mentions: Antonio Brown, Rob Gronkowski
On the Nice List
The kinda kid we all think we really are; they are welcomed with open arms and bundles of gifts.
Winners: Russell Wilson, Zach Ertz, Michael Thomas, Tom Brady
On the Naughty List
The no-good, pouty, bad kids that are obviously detrimental and terrible influences to those around them.
Losers: Michael Crabtree & Aqib Talib, Ezekiel Elliott
The Fat Inflatable Outdoor Christmas Decorations Post-Humous Award
Lots of pizzazz, but the problem is they’re good for like a month and then they have to be deflated.
Winner: Adrian Peterson
Honorable Mentions: Jordy Nelson, Mike Gillislee