Early Week 6 Questions – The Fantasy Footballers

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This segment is from the 10/12/15 episode, watch the full episodes here –

Is Gary Barnidge for real? Can you really start him over Jimmy Graham? Which Running Back in Kansas City do you target? Is it time to drop Alfred Morris? After getting benched in Week 5, can you really trust Matthew Stafford as a streaming option? The Fantasy Footballers answer some listener questions after most of the Week 5 action!

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Carkings33 says:

To my colleges, cheese curl lovers, and fellow weenis lickers. I feel the need to vent my feelings and express the exuberance of my melancholy emotions.

For unknown reasons I have been plague stricken by the fantasy football Gods: Sulam, Odysseus, and Phil. Not only was I hit hard last week on the field with injuries to Steve smith, Jordan Reed, and Karlos Williams, but this week as well. And if you thought that was bad also recently my anal seepage has only gotten worse. The correlation is exponential.

It all started on a timid Thursday night when the 40-Year-Old Virgin Matt Hasselbeck torched JJ Swatt and the Houston Defense. That big white baldy didn’t cough up the ball once and was as nimble in the pocket as my yoga instructor Öskar. Houston lays a Goose egg for the night and puts up 0 points, and gave birth to a foreshadow of inception.

Dropped touchdowns by Jordan Matthews, Mike Evans, and Ronnie Hillman were only whips of pain to my horrendous week that tasted like regurgitated cow. (Mid this line I shall inform u that a pretzel that touched ramis left sweaty testy grazed my lower lip.)

Then the Avalanche of Hell was in full effect. Matt Ryan throws a touchdown in the fourth quarter that with no camera evidence was overturned and of course the next play was a rushing td……predictable. And the only way that Julio can score for me is a fumble recovery in the redzone?!? I hock a loogey and a half for the erroneous play calls throughout the game.

Let’s take a trip down to Tampa bay. Where I pick up Doug Martin and don’t play him cuz I don’t wanna play two players on the Bucs. What happens u ask? Doug puts up the best fantasy week amongst running backs with a whalloping 35 point showing. Mike Evans suck a dirty duck. I will not have what I am having.

“Gary Barnidge will definetly have a big week” I think to myself Tuesday afternoon, but thanks to all the critics and hate lists, I drop him. Goes for 24 points and catches a ball with his scrodum. Link below:
Derek Carrier whom I play has a td early and I’m thinking butter up my loofa he’s for sure going off. Then he plays like a three legged dog for the whole game. Redundancy to the Max.

If u take the scene where Jamie Foxx was being tortured in Django (where his trail mix was just flopping everywhere), and add it to Mar Kakons dandruffy shoulders, and sprinkle that with Ron Halperts cheezy throw up from 3rd grade and put it all in a pot of Gumbo and no not the kind of gumbo Ice Cube makes, stirred it up and fed it to me I’d take that experience over seeing my baby boy Jamaal Charles just suffering in pain in Kansas City. I still love you Jamaal.

But I still have life? Her mah Der! I am only losing 60.82-55.56 going into Monday Night football. Can I actually pull out with a W?!? It all comes down to The rookie kicker, Josh Lambo! Let’s go.
1st quarter- nothing. 2nd quarter- nothing. 3rd quarter- MISSED FG, ya I’m done kill me Marvin Gaye. I need two field goals in the fourth and I get one early. Noooice! Need one more to win.

It is currently 615 am in Israel on Tuesday morning and there is 3 minutes left and Lambo has a 54 yard field goal. No way this is going in, just would be so fitting. Here we go……. It’s up and it’s……..GOOOOOOOOD!!!! Weeeenises win! Weeeeeenises win with 64 points! Oh my sweet Martha Stewart, he pulls off the inevitable! Wow. (Exhale)

Thank you all for reading, and thank you Isaac for letting me enjoy this ecstasy of incomprehension. Peace Love Dope,
“Anal Seeps” Rubin.
(If you want this message in voice note just Lmk.)

Ryan says:

Who should I start going forward, Randall Cobb or James Jones?

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